The Jerk (1979)

In director Carl Reiner's and Universal Pictures' absurdist comedy, stand-up comedian Steve Martin debuted with his first lead role as a dim-witted, bumbling, idiotic 'jerk' born in the country to a black family; the film's tagline described his heritage: "He was a poor black sharecropper's son who never dreamed he was adopted."

The series of wacky scenes or vignettes were often hilarious, and it turned out to be an incredibly successful comedy - with a budget of about $4 million, the film grossed $73.7 million dollars.

• in the film's opening, Navin Johnson (Steve Martin) was a homeless bum in Los Angeles, and in flashback told the story of his life:
  • "Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now, I only have two things: my friends and, uh, my thermos. Huh? My story? OK. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi... "
• he was born into a black family of poor sharecroppers in Mississippi; in addition to having no sense of musical rhythm, Navin also learned on his birthday from his mother (Mabel King) that he would always stay a white color: "Navin, you're not our natural-born child...You were left on our doorstep but we raised you like you were one of us...Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass"; he was very upset by the news: "You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?"
• after hitch-hiking to St. Louis and picking up a dog at a motel (that he crudely named "S--t-head"), Navin found a job as a gas pump attendant, working for his boss Harry Hartounian (Jackie Mason)
• Navin became inappropriately excited about finding his name in the new phone book:
  • "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!...Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now."
• in the "He hates these cans" sequence at the gas station, an angry and crazed Madman sniper (M. Emmet Walsh) had randomly picked him out of the phone book, and was aiming at him and calling out: "Die MilkFace!", the killer missed and instead hit a rack of motor oil cans on the station island. Navin called out: "Hey Harry. Look at this. What's the matter with these cans?...These cans, they're defective. They're springing leaks. Come over here and look at this"; when Harry alerted Navin: "Listen, you'd better run for cover or you're gonna spring a leak....We don't have defective cans. We have a defective person out there," Navin ignorantly shouted out: "He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans. I've got to get away from those cans! (He ran into a coke machine) There's cans in there, too! Run! Run! More cans!"; Harry again warned his dim-witted colleague: "He doesn't want to put holes in the cans. He wants to put holes in you!"
• after quitting his job, Navin joined a traveling circus or carnival, where he worked a stint as a weight-guesser: "For one dollar, I'll guess your weight, your height or your sex"; he dared people to challenge him: "The most exciting game on the midway! Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional! You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser. How 'bout you, sir? Step right up!'; when a Carnival Rube asked what they would win, Navin basically told them that nothing on the shelf was included as a prize:
  • "Ah, anything, in this general area, right in here. Anything, below the stereo, and on this side of the Bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtray, and the thimbles. Anything in this three inches. Right in here, this area, that includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers"
• later, Navin discovered his "special purpose" (his penis) with daredevil biker-chick Patty Bernstein (Catlin Adams) - when she propositioned him as her boy-toy: "You know what I'd like to do?...Guess your weight...Put your arms up" - and then she began kneading his buttocks, causing him to get sexually excited; during sex as he lost his virginity, he exclaimed: "Hey, this is like a ride" as the trailer rocked back and forth
• his Grandmother Johnson (Frances E. Williams) read Navin's letter about his deflowering experience:
  • "My dear family, guess what? Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh, what a great time I had. I wish the whole family could've been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week, I'll be able to send more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin."
• while his cosmetologist friend Marie Kimble (Bernadette Peters) slept, Navin had a non-sensical discussion with her about the passage of time:
  • "I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it."
• after a short courtship, Marie decided to reluctantly leave Navin because she worried that he couldn't support her and provide financial security

The Hilarious "That's All I Need" Scene

• in the hilarious "That's All I Need" scene, the stupid, heartbroken Navin described to Marie, in a long and drawn-out bumbling monologue, that the only things he needed to take when leaving her - all trivial possessions, included an ashtray, a paddle game, the remote control, matches, a lamp and a chair, and a magazine:
  • "Well, I'm gonna go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff and I don't need you. I don't need anything -- except this, this ash tray, and that's the only thing I need is this! I don't need nothin' but this - just this ash tray, and this paddle game. The ash tray and the paddle game - and that's all I need, and this - the remote control. The ash tray, the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need. And these matches. The ash tray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball. And this lamp. That's right. This paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too! I don't need one other thing. Not one - I need this - the paddle game and the chair and the remote control and the matches, for sure. Well, what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this. That's all I need. The ash tray, the remote control, and this paddle game, and this magazine and the chair...I don't need one other thing, except my dog (the dog growled at him) I don't need my dog."
• in Los Angeles, with help from a previous gas-station customer named Stan Fox (Bill Macy), Navin invented a patented Opti-Grab device for eyeglasses - a combination handle and nose-brace, and became an instant millionaire; as a result, he relocated Marie and the two were married, and living a life of luxury in a mansion; but then his fortunes changed when sued over damages caused by his invention, and he was forced to abandon Marie and become homeless
• Navin was about to demonstrate his skill at 'cat juggling' - but was first warned about the "ugly" and disgusting practice:
  • "You will not believe what you are about to see, that human beings could have sunk so low that they can take pleasure to do this to another of God's creatures. I hope you have a strong stomach, senor."
• after Navin was shown the projected black and white film (of himself with a black wig, and about to juggle three kittens), he cried out:
  • "Good Lord. I've heard about this. Cat juggling. Stop it, stop it, stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?"